Alcoholism and ADHD: How Three Years of Sobriety Led Me to Discover My Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder at 52

I woke up on the floor on November 21, 2022, at 50 years old in a fetal position, not unlike I had done several times in the months before after a binge drinking weekend. When the wife is away, the drunk will play. I just wasn't ready to admit I was a drunk yet—or that my alcohol use disorder was masking undiagnosed attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

The Hidden Link Between ADHD and Alcoholism

Three weekends in September, October and November 2022 all took place in a similar fashion—classic impulsivity that I now recognize as one of my core ADHD symptoms.

Wife left on Thursday, I left for the liquor store as soon as she was gone.

"You know, if you get a box of wine you'll have enough for the whole weekend and won't be driving after you've had some."

That's Grade A “alcologic” right there for you (and I’m not making it up)—the kind of justification that masks substance use disorders.

Friday morning I would get up, hung over. The box had been depleted. My alcohol consumption had spiraled beyond control.

"Hair of the dog," I'd say to myself as I'd grab my keys and go to get another box. Classic self-medication pattern.

Rinse and repeat on Saturday and Sunday. Heavy drinking every weekend after a week of daily drinking, then binge drinking that followed the same destructive pattern.

I don't know why November 21, 2022 was any different from those other Mondays after the binge weekend, but it was different. I knew I couldn't go on drinking alcohol like that anymore.

How ADHD Symptoms Fuel Alcohol Dependence

A few months earlier my therapist—a mental health professional who understood the comorbidity between ADHD and alcoholism—had suggested Alcoholics Anonymous and I scoffed at him.

"Nah, I'll get it under control," I said.
"Oh, because you're doing so well now, right?" He's great at knowing when I need a kick in the ass about my alcohol abuse (not to mention the rest of it).

That seed was planted so when I had finally had enough I went to the computer after I managed to pick myself up off the floor. Picked up the partially filled glass of wine I had left, dumped it out, and headed to the computer to look up A.A. meetings.

You'll have to visit another passion of mine, The Open Path Project for the full accounting, but that evening the stories of the others there led me to the beauty of the First Step's message of acceptance. I accepted I was an alcoholic—that I had alcohol dependence—and there wasn't a thing in the world I could do about that and I haven't had a drink since.

I found out what most recovering alcoholics find out and that is that stopping drinking is easy, staying stopped and clearing out all of the undergrowth that formed the fuel for your drinking underneath are what is hard. In hindsight, this is where understanding the risk factors and symptoms of ADHD becomes crucial.

The Effects of Alcohol on the ADHD Brain

There's an inherent trap in recovering from alcohol addiction and I've seen it in many a dry drunk, chronic relapser, and fresh drunk since—trying to figure out why you're an alcoholic without understanding the underlying mental health conditions. I’ve met people who have been sober for decades who still go on about “the why.” It cost me at least a year, probably more, from getting sober. The vast majority of alcoholics in my experience picked it up from a close family member, usually a parent—a known risk factor. Still others may have come from broken or abusive homes, and many had great homes and just stumbled into substance abuse looking for trouble.

Pro tip: it doesn't fucking matter why you are an alcoholic, you are one. But understanding if you have adult ADHD can change everything about your recovery. I wish I knew that then.

Once I finally accepted I was an alcoholic and always would be one I was able to move past the why that had held me back. Only after doing a lot of work on myself was I able to tackle the why—and discover the role of dopamine and executive functions in both conditions that I’m aware of now.

I've always had difficulty with traditional treatment programs and, without trying to sound special, I was definitely outside the norm of A.A. members. My drinking hadn't started in earnest until I was 42 and I wouldn't consider myself an alcoholic for another three years give or take—classic late-onset pattern often seen with undiagnosed adult ADHD that I didn’t know I had at the time. I had, and have, a full bar in our home to this very day that I've never touched. I have no aversion to being around alcohol, parties, and bars, and still make wine suggestions to people without issue or longing. I see nothing in the world wrong with alcohol, it's alcohol and me that don't mix. Any one of these things and certainly all of them are not common—unless you understand how ADHD medication and proper treatment can eliminate the need to self-medicate were at the core of my alcoholism.

ADHD Medication Changed Everything About My Recovery

Once I had quit drinking, I ended up wondering about the why but didn't concern myself with it. Then one day my therapist and I were talking and the issue of ADHD came up. I'm not sure who brought up the topic. I just remember him asking if I thought I had it.

"No! I have the opposite of ADHD, I can intensely focus on something and shut everything else out. It drives everyone, especially Jane, nuts."
"Yeah Guy," he smiled. "That's called hyper-focus and it's a symptom of ADHD.”

Only now I know it to be one of the key ADHD symptoms that often leads to alcohol misuse. Instead, it was the reason for decades of undiagnosed adult ADHD.

From there I turned my dragon loose on ADHD research and came to definitive agreement with him that I had it—a proper ADHD diagnosis at last. Discussing it with him and my doctor I started developing my ADHD med "cocktail"—mostly focused on the resulting depression and anxiety, the comorbidity pals of ADHD. I told myself that’s all that I needed to do to rid myself of ADHD. I continued to struggle, not with drinking but with life and the impulsive behavior that characterizes both conditions.

During the last Super Bowl I caught Jay Glazer talking about his ADHD and when he talked about thriving in chaos or creating it, it resonated with me immediately. Because that's what I do—classic ADHD decision-making patterns. ADHD is frequently treated with both stimulant medications and non-stimulant medications, so I started Qelbree which is an sNRI or selective norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor. Norepinephrine helps stimulate that fight or flight response that often drive the impulsivity in the dragon brain. For the first time in my entire life I felt like I could detect my ADHD cycles that I hadn't yet named or strategized about yet. However, I still continued to struggle with inattention and other symptoms.

It wasn't until I was able to grasp that my ADHD was not unlike my alcoholism that I really started to get it. Studies show the increased risk and higher risk of alcohol use disorder in people with ADHD. The admission needed to be the same—I have ADHD and I always will, and there's not a thing I can do about it. Sure, I can use meds as tools and coping strategies including cognitive behavioral therapy to manage my ADHD but it will always be part of who I am.

Accepting My ADHD Brain—Path of the Dragon Rider

For years I had counseled myself and others the message of acceptance. To me it is the most important message of A.A. I had never applied that same message to my ADHD and once I did it had the same effect on me, my life changed completely and immediately. Healthcare professionals and clinicians are increasingly recognizing this connection.

Only then was I able to start to get in touch with my dragon and develop the strategies for dealing with it that form the core of The Firehose Method. I had always called the massive volume of what comes out of my brain "the firehose" I just hadn't spent any time considering what to do about it—a common pattern of executive function challenges.

The firehose is definitely still there, sometimes it comes out verbally and people will get a nice taste from it, particularly when I'm excited about something I've discovered. I've come to accept that as well and there is nothing at all wrong with it if I prepare others and acknowledge and grow from it when it happens. Understanding the effects of alcohol on ADHD brains helps explain why so many of us turn to drug use and drug abuse—treating something I didn’t even know I had in my case.

Now I Know the Why of My Alcoholism and ADHD Connection

It's clear to me now that my alcoholism formed as a response to a number of personal setbacks as my ADHD continued to grow out of my control—a pattern longitudinal studies have documented in adolescents and young adults transitioning to early adulthood. Those first few years it became a way to silence all the thoughts in my head and slow the flow of the firehose. Then my drinking got out of my control until I was a full blown alcoholic with both alcohol addiction and untreated childhood ADHD that had followed me into adulthood.

Some would call this "self-medicating" with alcohol but it really doesn't matter how you want to interpret it. Consciously or not, I was using alcohol to drown out my ADHD and almost drown myself out in the process. The prevalence of this pattern is staggering—research shows people with ADHD have significantly increased risk of alcohol use disorder.

I wouldn't take that back for a second though because learning I was an alcoholic taught me the invaluable lesson of acceptance. And it was that lesson that first connected me with my dragon brain, my ADHD. Evidence-based treatment that addresses both conditions simultaneously is crucial for recovery.

I guess the phrase is right, after all, in vino veritas.

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About The Firehose Method: If you're struggling with both ADHD and alcohol issues, you're not alone. Work with health professionals who understand the connection between attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and substance use disorders. Watch for side effects of ADHD medications and alcohol interactions, and remember—treating your ADHD properly might be the key to ending the cycle of self-medication. The short-term relief alcohol provides masks the long-term solution: accepting and working WITH your ADHD brain, not against it.